Funk-Punk · Austin, Texas, as entered · 1984–1993
The national sound of Screwthatistan.
Republic of Screwthatistan
Passport · Passeport · Pasaporte
Page 2 · Holder data
The archive has examined the document and entered it as presented. The holder's country of origin is Screwthatistan. The holder's place of formation is Austin, Texas. The archive records both and reconciles neither.
P<SCRNOPE<ROPE<FROM<SCREWTHATISTAN<<<<<<<<<<NR1984SCR840000X<<<NEXT<QUESTION<<<930000<<<
Observations
Nope Rope from Screwthatistan came together in Austin, Texas, in 1984, in a rehearsal space that was legally a storage unit. Marcus "Mook" Delaine had a mouth and a mission; Priya "Thumbs" Nair had a bass and both thumbs already ruined; Lorraine "Chops" Vukovich answered a flyer that read only "FUNK. LOUD. NO CHILL."; and Danny "Sock" Merkle was found already drumming, on someone else's kit, at a party no one remembered inviting him to. From the first rehearsal the band insisted it was not from Austin but from Screwthatistan. Asked where that was, Mook would say "next question." No one ever got a straight answer, and the archive, dutifully, records the claim without comment.
Statement at the border
Where's Screwthatistan? Next question.
Accredited personnel
Four credentials were issued in 1984. Four were surrendered in 1993. No other personnel were ever accredited. The engine of the mission is listed second, by custom, not by rank.
“Mook”
On the record
“Where's Screwthatistan? Next question.”
“If you can still hear after, we didn't do it right.”
Present posting
Still shouting. Runs a food truck; the menu is loud.
“Thumbs”
On the record
“The bass isn't the bottom. The bass is the point.”
Present posting
Session bassist now. Still the loudest person in any room she's the quietest in.
“Chops”
On the record
“Funk is a felony if you do it right.”
Present posting
Teaches funk guitar and forbids the word "chill."
“Sock”
On the record
“I don't know why they call me Sock.”
Present posting
Still owns socks. Still, apparently, only socks.
Pages 6 through 11 · Visas and entries
Each record is stamped into the passport on the date of entry. Running times are as pressed. Open a stamp for the full declaration, the liner notes and every lyric on file.
Entry 1 · 1986 · 7 songs
Three days, one storage unit, the cost of the tape. Side one is a party; side two is the same party, angrier. The liner notes list the band's home as "Screwthatistan" and their mailing address as "you weren't invited."
Entry 2 · 1988 · 7 songs
The road record. The band declared every venue "consulate soil." Most venues disagreed. A local critic called it "the finest album ever recorded by people who owe this many towels."
Entry 3 · 1991 · 8 songs
Their last and tightest — a funk-punk band claiming sovereign immunity from a nation that isn't, playing faster than advisable. The title track is ninety seconds and legally actionable in spirit only.
Total time on file: 22 songs · 57 min 15 sec
Official history
Four cables, transmitted in order and filed without amendment. The archive did not edit the sender.
Cable 001 · Priority: Loud
From: Consulate, Austin
To: Whom it may concern
Subj: Founded in a Storage Unit
They agreed on one thing: loud. Mook had the mouth, Thumbs had the bass the whole band would be built on, Chops brought the blade, and Sock was simply, already, drumming. Their first show was a house party in Hyde Park that the police ended twice — once for noise, and once, twenty minutes later, when the band restarted.
From the beginning they claimed to be from Screwthatistan. Where that was, what language they spoke there, how they got the visas — no answer was ever the same, and none was ever real. Mook's reply to every version of the question was identical: "Next question." The archive has elected to take the claim at face value, because arguing with it seemed to be exactly what they wanted.
— End of cable —
Cable 002 · Priority: Loud
From: Consulate, Austin
To: Whom it may concern
Subj: Basement Diplomacy
The debut, Basement Diplomacy (1986, Consulate Records), was recorded in three days for the cost of the tape. It is built, from the floor up, on Thumbs' bass — a slapping, popping, sprinting engine that the other three hang onto for dear life. Mook talk-shouts the verses like a man reading demands through a bullhorn; Chops stabs; Sock refuses to slow down. The songs are short, funky, aggressive, and ridiculous, and they were an immediate hit in exactly one city.
Live, the band became a phenomenon of local legend — sweat, socks, and a fake national anthem the crowd learned to shout back. The set never broke character. If you asked between songs where they were from, Mook told you, and you were no wiser.
— End of cable —
Cable 003 · Priority: Loud
From: Consulate, Austin
To: Whom it may concern
Subj: The Sweat Years
Sweat Equity (1988) took the chaos on the road — the Southwest, the coasts, a legendary run of basement and club shows where the floor was frequently a hazard. The band toured relentlessly and profitably, if you did not count what they spent on towels. Thumbs anchored every night; Sock never once flagged; Chops kept the whole thing from collapsing into mush; and Mook kept insisting, in city after city, that they were a long way from home.
A funk-punk group claiming sovereign immunity from a country that isn't, playing faster than was strictly wise — they had become exactly the thing the name promised. It is their tightest and their most unhinged, at the same time.
— End of cable —
Cable 004 · Priority: Loud
From: Consulate, Austin
To: Whom it may concern
Subj: The Dissolution
Bands that burn this hot rarely last, and Nope Rope from Screwthatistan burned about as hot as the format allows. By 1993, the touring had done what touring does; Thumbs took a session gig that paid in actual money, and the engine leaving was the end of it. There was no farewell tour. There was a final show in Austin, sweaty and complete, after which everyone went home.
Asked, years later, whether the band would ever reunite, Mook considered it seriously and said that Screwthatistan had "closed its borders." No one asked a follow-up. The archive notes only that four people made an absurd amount of noise on purpose, meant every second of it, and never once broke.
— End of cable —
Consular notice board
Incidents of record, posted where the public can read them. Each notice was stapled up on the date shown. Several were stapled up again.
Notice 84-1
1984
Location: Hyde Park, Austin, Texas
Police ended their first show twice in one night, because they restarted after the first time.
The band's first show was a house party that police shut down for noise. Twenty minutes after they left, the band restarted. Police returned and shut it down again. Delaine has described the second visit as "the first time anyone took us seriously."
Approved for posting
Notice 88-2
1988
Location: Denton, Texas
Nair pointed at a water stain shaped like a country. It appears in two songs and is never explained.
A room rated for sixty held a hundred and forty. The fire marshal arrived at eleven and stayed until one, which the band took as attendance. During the set Nair looked up and pointed at a water stain on the ceiling shaped roughly like a landmass. Nobody said anything. It is referenced in two songs across two albums and has never been explained.
Approved for posting
Notice 90-3
1990
Location: Barstow, California
The van died on the 15 in July. For six hours the entire country was on the shoulder with the hood up.
The van died on the shoulder of Interstate 15 in July and took six hours to fix. Merkle slept underneath it. Vukovich has said it was the longest the four of them were ever stationary together, and that nobody spoke for most of it.
Approved for posting
Notice 93-4
1993
Location: Austin, Texas
Asked about a reunion, Delaine said the borders were closed.
Asked at the final show whether the band would ever reform, Delaine considered the question seriously for several seconds and said that Screwthatistan had closed its borders. No follow-up was asked. It is the last recorded statement by any member about the band's origin.
Approved for posting
National anthem (unofficial)
The anthem has no official text. This transcription is taken from the 1991 recording, which keeps the Chicago version.
Played last at every show from 1987. Audiences learned the chant; the band never printed it.
From Diplomatic Immunity (1991), track 6 · 1:50
National Anthem (Unofficial)
There are no words to thisThere have never been words to thisEverybody knows itNobody can sing it
WHOA-OH-OH-OHWHOA-OH-OH-OHWHOA-OH-OH-OHThat is it. That is the anthem.
Crowd in Austin got it firstCrowd in Denver got it wrongCrowd in Chicago made it fasterAnd we kept the Chicago version
WHOA-OH-OH-OHStand up.WHOA-OH-OH-OH
Please rise. Remain standing until the van has left.
Arrival cards
Every visitor to consulate soil was asked to complete an arrival card. Five were returned. They are reproduced as written. Scores are on a scale of five stamps.
Arrival cardNo. 0001Purpose of visit Funk
Statement
I have seen a lot of shows. I have never left one this wet, this deaf, or this unsure what country I had just visited. Five stars. The bass player is the best musician in Texas and she barely moved.
Filed by Austin Chronicle, 1988
Arrival cardNo. 0002Purpose of visit Funk
Statement
I asked the merch guy where Screwthatistan was and he said "you're standing in it." I was in a bar in Denver. The music was incredible. I remain concerned.
Filed by Westword (Denver), 1989
Arrival cardNo. 0003Purpose of visit Funk
Statement
Everyone talks about the shouting guy. Fine. But put on "Thumbs" and try to tell me the whole band isn't just following one woman and a bass. I'll wait.
Filed by Bass Player fanzine, 1990
Arrival cardNo. 0004Purpose of visit Funk
Statement
Too fast. Too loud. Too much. The floor was, and I want to be precise, a liquid. I gave up and had the time of my life. Two stars because I lost a shoe.
Filed by The Daily Texan, 1986
Arrival cardNo. 0005Purpose of visit Funk
Statement
Caught the Diplomatic Immunity tour. A man in socks played drums faster than I have ever seen a human do anything. When I asked for an encore they said it would require an act of parliament. There is no parliament. They played four more songs.
Filed by Village Voice, 1991
This card has not been returned. The consulate assumes you are still on the floor.
File yours at the visa window →
Visa window
The consulate no longer issues visas directly. Applications are processed by the Sideband Label office, which handles the mailing list, the recordings and the merchandise. Shirts are issued in the national colors. Towels are not.
Applications are never refused. Applications are never answered, either. Bring a towel.
Republic of ScrewthatistanApplication for entry
Give me the funk or give me death. · Select one
The third box is printed for completeness. It is not on the menu.